@TheMichaelRock: I'm straight, but I'm not "wouldn't spoon with George Clooney" straight.
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@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
@smedlee: The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.
@TheAlexNevil: Can't wait to one day be a grandparent, to see my adorable grandson misbehave, then look at my son and say "Annoying, huh?"
@cwhudson: [dog walking a human] *walks by a coffeeshop with its door open* HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there