@AntozWolf: I'm sure a spider is never scrutinized for spending too much time on the web.
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@joeldanger: If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
@LindaInDisguise: Coworker: What was your college major? Me: How to avoid student-loan debt, with a minor in teen pregnancy.
@sammyrhodes: Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn't like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he's not a fan.