@JeremyKCMO: 'I'm sure it's just water,' I mumble as I sit down on the gas station toilet.
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@longwall26: Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes
@undeadmolly: A reality show where gay marriage opponents have to live under 100% Biblical laws for six months so they can show us how awesome it is.
@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.
@JermHimselfish: *takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*