@TheMichaelRock: If schools were really serious about fundraisers, they'd sell drugs and alcohol.

@amydillon: One of my sons says he likes my new haircut, and the other will have to twirl a sign outside a Mattress Firm to pay for college, I guess.

@naderdagher: If he pauses a video game to text you, he's probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,

@noog: Science: I rely on observable data and logic. Religion: I prefer scripture and faith. Astrology: I like turtles.

@FattMernandez: A giant rabbit died on a United flight. One man is suspected of foul play. We tried to reach him for comment but he's being vewy vewy quiet.