@SamGrittner: I'm surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn't incorporated into more American Holidays.
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@david8hughes: [baby wakes up in the middle night] "Go back to sleep, hun. I'll sort it out." [puts baby on eBay]
@SCbchbum: I blame movies for giving me unrealistic expectations about how long I can look away from the road while driving.
@ventivodkacran: I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too.