@megfraser: I'm surprised "slow internet connection" doesn't come up more often as a motive in murder trials.
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@roostermustache: Me: can i play music Funeral director: that's not appropriate Me: nana would've wanted it Director: ok CD player: someBODY once told me
@shkeeber: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! DID YOU KNOW THAT FROSTED FLAKES DON'T TASTE HALF BAD WITH RED BULL INSTEAD OF MILK? I THINK I'LL RUN TO WORK TODAY!
@generaldietz: Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what? Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir.
@underchilde: Thanks for telling me to take some ibuprofen for my headache, hotshot. If we're ever in an apocalypse and need a doctor, I'm nominating you!