@megfraser: I'm surprised "slow internet connection" doesn't come up more often as a motive in murder trials.
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@hell_homer: Gandalf chuckled to himself as the boat left shore. "I just noticed," he whispered, "your name sounds like Dildo" #LastLinesFromGreatBooks
@KalvinMacleod: [lips on a snake] WIFE: what are you doing? ME: getting rid of the poison WIFE: you’re supposed to suck your own bite SNAKE: leave him alone
@shadygrenade: *ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it's my only one]