@david8hughes: "I'm telling you, it's all or nothing," the exterminator explains to Noah, "I can't just leave 2 woodworm. It doesn't work like that."
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@TheGladStork: Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth.
@JCWisdomNuggets: Server: Want one of our famous milkshakes? Me: Well, I saw your yard and it was empty. Server: Huh? Me: No boys. Server: Huh? Me: No thanks.
@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Some guy called me a siren. It's like he doesn't even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too.