@Vanilla_cupcak: I'm terrified to death of someone stealing my identity and improving my credit
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@Not_DeeAnn: First thing heard on the news: "You're gonna be wet by this time tomorrow morning". Kinda looking forward to Tuesday now
@BuckyIsotope: Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] Says here you're good with nicknames? "I don't wanna brag Super Cool Interviewer Man" *under his breath* holy shit he's good
@DomesticGoddss: This morning I packed nothing but a kale salad for lunch and now 1pm me wants to punch 7am me in the face.