@Vanilla_cupcak: I'm terrified to death of someone stealing my identity and improving my credit
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@Underchilde: I never keep toilet paper in the guest bathroom. They don’t need that kind of incentive to visit again.
@ThisOneSayz: *getting caught filling up neighbor's trash can* Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?
@novicefather: I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs.