@osoplain: I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up
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@TheRolo: I don't know who you are, but if you don't stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will kill you.
@Schmoodles: I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on a mat and drinking a bottle of wine as I shout at my thighs.
@GrantTanaka: "I dunno, maybe you go steal an old lady's purse, you can hold up a liquor store, & you...just sit there looking mean." -Unorganized Crime
@novicefather: Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview.