@osoplain: I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up
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@imdaintyaf: I'm sorry I punched you in the face when you said "I love you". Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister.
@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate
@snowmedia: I sure hope skinny jeans are still in fashion. After all the calories I consumed over the holidays that's what all my pants are now.
@philco816: Kids we are running late let's go! *Kids I'm going to count every stair on the way down with out my shoes on.*