@Mr_Kapowski: I'm that guy who plays Pictionary and draws the shittiest representation of the clue and spends the entire time circling it at various speed
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@murrman5: [roommate hears me come in] "how was the date?" [face sucked back and teeth showing like im skydiving] apparently, I'm allergic to shellfish
@DecantAndPour: I can tell if someone's uncomfortable around me just by staring at them for 3 hours.
@pjux: "How do you speak such good English?" "I dunno 200 years of colonialism and eurocentric education, how do you know so little history?"
@sensualgifs: when you're sick of dropping subtle hints to the guy you like and getting no where