@pixelatedboat: "I'm the world champion of hearing," I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw
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@_ElvishPresley_: Fact if it's mother is trapped under a car, baby adrenaline gives a baby the super strength of eight babies. But that's not enough babies!
@Brampersandon_: (Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit
@robyn_vo: I just violently threw up for 6 minutes and now my coworkers think I'm the lead singer of Creed.