@shutupmikeginn: I'm thinking about getting a mirror over my bed so I can watch myself while I'm eating cereal.
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@noogscorner: Superman: Kinda sucks you can't fly. Batman: It's okay. Superman: Why? Batman: My planet hasn't exploded, so I can still walk and drive.
@NikiWithIssues: A cool fun way to stop his snoring so you can finally get some sleep is to separate the head from the body.
@TheSharona06: At the grocery store, buying 6 of the same item Cashier: Are these good? Me: No. I'm buying all of them just to save others from suffering