@KevinFarzad: I'm tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace
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@truegritrumble: *throws smoke bomb, but when the smoke clears I’m just on the floor taking a nap*
@Social_Mime: My wife and I have a rule whoever is driving controls the radio, unless I'm driving and then she controls the radio.
@amydillon: [sits next to friend in a coma, holding her hand] "Squeeze once if that's an 8 at the end of your HBO Go password."
@withanewname: Wife: "Bad day?" Me: "Stupidhead boss treats me like a kid." Wife: "Now now *pats head* eat your nuggets before they get cold."