@Moronyc: I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all me e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone
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@_little_old_me: I am a wild, sexually-charged woman in my prime. I know exactly what my body needs & just how to get it. *goes to bed at 5pm*
@RandiLawson: Sometimes I wish I was a mermaid. Maybe then HR would stop hassling me for wearing a seashell bra on casual Fridays.
@ramblinma: My kid at 8am: Mommy! Me: Yes, my love? My kid at 8pm: Mommy! Me: WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT NOWWWWW?!
@MouthOfSass: Pretty sure the neighbors are impressed with the banging and screaming they heard. Little do they know it was just me chasing a spider.