@Moronyc: I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all me e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone
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@mynameisntdave: Wow, my son running for student body president just punched a kid on the school newspaper & then the school board made my son the principal.
@liv_thatsme: There are so many scary things in life: -fear -hate -murder -injustice -the woman in line behind me who just said "boughten"
@BoogTweets: Dad: What is taking him so long to get me that crow bar? Me: *Applying for a liquor license* Yes I'm serious, it's just for crows.
@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich