@Moronyc: I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all me e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone
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@Sickayduh: [NBA Postgame] *LeBron wearing his fake glasses* "Questions? Yes, Lois Lane from Daily Planet" "Yeah hi. I'll wait til LeBron comes out"
@_PatDonovan: I tell all my ex girlfriends I just want them to be happy (happy was a golden retriever I saw get hit by a train in 1997)
@MazMHussain: Said it before but someone needs to start a rumor that Muslims don't eat donuts so that people will start sending those to the mosque.
@UrbanDouchebag: I'm going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I'll also bring a horse.