@I_Bl33d_Purple: I'm trying to be more fit these days, so now I walk inside the store to buy my donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
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@PinkCamoTO: I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.
@dubstep4dads: Judge: Show us on this doll where the man hurt you. Me: He didn't. But watch this. [I make the doll do a backflip] Judge: Holy shit lol
@ramenfuneral: me: one time i almost got trampled to death in a mosh pit kid: did you die? me: hmm