@I_Bl33d_Purple: I'm trying to be more fit these days, so now I walk inside the store to buy my donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
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@Parkerlawyer: My trainer says not to drink beer bc it makes you fat. So tonight I've had a six pack of red wine.
@charmfoz: The best things in life are free. Unless it's herpes. Stay away from people who want to give you free herpes.
@abbycohenwl: Life Coach: Tell me something you’ve done that’s amazing Me: Once I sneezed so loud in a restroom, a paper towel dispensed automatically
@BradBroaddus: My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.