@sharpular: I'm wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday.
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@bornmiserable: "Where do escalators come from?" "Well, when an Escalade and an alligator love each other very much..."
@TankCesar: *murderer looking for me* Murderer: I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me... Me under bed: *cry sings* He's just a poor boy from a poor family
@Michael1979: Pros of hiring me as a vet: - Hard-working - Experienced - Reasonable prices Cons: - Have been dubbed "The Horse Murderer" by the press
@amishschool: This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it's making it that much harder to poison him.