@sharpular: I'm wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories
@daemonic3: [gf takes pregnancy test, starts crying] "It's negative" Lemme see it [reads] 'Not prego. Just fat. And ugly' Wow that's really negative
@The_Amazon_Eve: "Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people." -my cat