@Rachelnoise: I'm worried that I'm gonna get a super judgey coroner.
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@ThePawfessor: eating red meat increases your chances of dying by 13%. i now have a 113% chance of dying.
@upsidedowntrash: Friend: Do you know karate? Me: [wanting to sound cool but not overly cocky] I've heard of him.
@ericsshadow: My son is so lazy he's went from playing video games on the computer to watching other people play video games on the computer.
@HatfieldAnne: Me: I weigh 10x more than the cat and yet she trusts me completely. So sweet. You: Me: You: It’s a lot more than 10x. Me: Don’t ruin this.