@Rachelnoise: I'm worried that I'm gonna get a super judgey coroner.
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@murrman5: dave is coming to play poker "dave from college or dave who walks like he's in a video game?" [dave takes 3 tries to walk through open door]
@EvilSchwartzie: In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY. My best time so far is 7 min.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Are these your kids? Boss: "Yep" They're gorgeous! "Thanks" Step kids? "Nope" Adopted? "No.." .. ".." She's cheating on you.. "Get out"