@Rachelnoise: I'm worried that I'm gonna get a super judgey coroner.
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@AaronChewning: *overheard behind me on a plane* Dad: “you’re getting potato chips in Abigail’s hair” 6ish year old son: “calm down Kenneth”
@david8hughes: [meeting at round table] "King Arthur, if I may?" "Go ahead." "Castles but bouncier." "Bouncy castles?" "But you gotta take your shoes off."
@DaddyJew: 5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
@ceejoyner: ENEMY: can you smell that? That's fear. ME: the baked goods? ENEMY: no. focus on your fear. ME: we must be knife fighting behind a bakery