@WeissBrandon: I'm "yells at people who drive too fast in my neighborhood" years old
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@IvoryGazelle: [work phone rings] Customer: I realize ur closing but I just have a quick question "Good, because it's 4:59 and I-" Now, it all started back in '82 when I had my knee replacement surgery
@iGreenMonk: Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem
@thewritertype: If I had a bitcoin for every time someone tried to explain bitcoins to me I'd have a lot of bitcoins, and no idea what to do with them.
@bridger_w: Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave