@EliTerry: Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.
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@DecantAndPour: I can tell if someone's uncomfortable around me just by staring at them for 3 hours.
@jessokfine: If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
@mishakey: It's fun to watch a waitress flirt with my husband for an entire meal, then see that look of betrayal as I take the check from her hand.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?