@tigersgoroooar: Imagine a hunter in a deer stand but instead of a gun he has a long stick he pokes the deer with and they look around like "ok who did that"
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@omgthatspunny: My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.
@SocialExtortion: How to pick up women: 1-approach beautiful lady 2-bend at the knees 3-lift gently 4-oh god she's screaming 5-put her down the cops are here
@nathanfielder: Experiment: text your parents "got 2 grams for $40" then right after "Sorry ignore that txt. Not for you" Then tweet pic of their response.
@ARealTinderella: Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends.