@tigersgoroooar: Imagine a hunter in a deer stand but instead of a gun he has a long stick he pokes the deer with and they look around like "ok who did that"
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@OfficialMizGin: Cologne companies have no clue what really attracts women. If they did, every bottle would smell like doughnuts.
@sixfootcandy: Dr: How can I help you? Me: Can you make me look like this? Dr: Ma'am, that's a picture of Hello Kitty.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: *checking into maternity ward* Hey, so remember that time when you took the baby so I could sleep? Nurse: Ma'am, this child is seven.