@robfee: Imagine being the kid that got cut from the team on Air Bud because they had to make a roster spot for a golden retriever.
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@DaddyJew: If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day but if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done
@BritXNic: "Creepy DM: I want to shave your legs. Me: Ew" On reflection this would have been a real time saver. If you're reading this, call me?
@Florescience: *At funeral* "Your Mom is so fat" I said eulogy, not roast. "oh right, I'm sorry. Your mom WAS so fat..."
@AdamBroud: HER:I love Tolstoy's take on the human moral struggle ME:*Trying to impress* See I prefer Tolstoyee 3 where Woody was in the trash compactor