@robfee: Imagine being the kid that got cut from the team on Air Bud because they had to make a roster spot for a golden retriever.
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@BromanConsul: GOD: hey can I have one of your ribs Adam: what for GOD: uhh science project Adam: you hate science GOD: look do u wanna get laid or not
@Tmoney68: [Doctor's Office] Dr: I'm not going to candy-coat this.... Me: *misses bad results of test because I'm imagining a coat made of Skittles*
@Mikecanrant: Make sure that nobody ever invades your personal space by constantly hula hooping wherever you go.
@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I'll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he's reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose.