@House_Feminist: Imagine having a baby that didn't photograph well for Instagram. What a waste.
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@gengen874: OMG, he's almost here. How's my hair? My clothes? How do I look? (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy.
@LuvPug: To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!
@Christweetpher_: [black jack] DEALER: 14 ME: hit me D: 16 M: hit me D: 23 M: hit me D: M: D: M: make it look good so my wife believes I was mugged
@ValeeGrrl: Apparently when a couple tells you they're pregnant with their 6th kid it's not cool to yell "OMG DUDE GET OFF HER."