@DanMentos: imagine if poop was transparent. I’d completely lose my shit
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@ceejoyner: Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent's face there is no known comeback.
@DJTannerComedy: Anderson Cooper: "the Arizona wildfire is flaming out of control." Arizona Wildfire: "Wow, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black."
@vikkaroni: You're never too old to throw random shit in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
@DurtMcHurtt: Make new friends by waking up strangers with forehead kisses after they've fallen asleep on the train.