@GingerHotDish: Imagine my surprise at the school Thanksgiving "costume" party, when I showed up as Poison Ivy and everyone else was dressed as pilgrims.
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@rad_milk: I dropped a piece of cheese on the airplane and i know it rolled forward and some piece of shit in first class is enjoying it now
@DJRotaryRachel: A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior.
@SteveSuckington: "Why did u jump off that bridge?" My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?" Yes. I literally just said that
@Stellacopter: When I'm out with my kids and I see an x-boyfriend I like to scare him by saying "Don't make eye contact with daddy."