@GingerHotDish: Imagine my surprise at the school Thanksgiving "costume" party, when I showed up as Poison Ivy and everyone else was dressed as pilgrims.
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@JessObsess: I just wish I was rich enough to be able to throw all of the pots and pans away after I cook.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 suits in the world, 3-piece, zoot, swim, law and birthday.
@ErikGators: Why does my wife think its weird I talk to a bunch of strangers on the Internet, but it's ok for her to talk to multiple cats.
@pplwtching: Rhythmic banging against the wall, his hands grasping the sheets. Unable to get what he needs, he gets out of bed to turn off the Roomba.