@Prince_Smarming: Imagine my surprise when I found out "restraining order" did not mean she wanted me to tie her up.
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@Reverend_Scott: [class trip] I'm farmer Joe, this is my farm DO U HAVE COWS? Yes, it's a dairy farm DO U HAVE WHALES? Kid, why wouldn't we have whales?
@DavidKlein5: People say I have a dry sense of humor. So when you hate everyone the word to describe that is dry now I guess.
@juliussharpe: Parachuting is probably the best way to put your life in the hands of a backpack.
@TheHyyyype: Signs that your wife is cheating on you: 1. Wearing more makeup and perfume than usual 2. Acting distant 3. Sleeping with another dude