@BasicLyes: Impractical Joke: Replace my girlfriends house cat's with mountain lions so she think's she is shrinking.
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@Elizasoul80: [alien taking notes] Humans: Reluctant to common sense gun control, yet somehow completely overreactive when approached by a bee.
@reczit: I'm afraid of people who keep smiling all the time. I feel like they still have plenty of space left for more bodies in their basement.
@thenatewolf: *sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers