@LetsQuoteComedy: In 1000 years, archaeologists will find tanning beds and think we fried people as punishments.
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@Scimommy: Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.
@juneohara65: Nothing puts me in touch with my mortality like stepping onto a downward escalator.
@TheRealDratch: Trying to get lunch w 4 yo in restaurant: "If you can't behave we're going to have to leave here." "But I want to leave here." Touché.