@LetsQuoteComedy: In 1000 years, archaeologists will find tanning beds and think we fried people as punishments.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@kumailn: [God making trees] God: "They're alive but not. Every now & then they drop food." Angel: "I don't--" God: "Also they breathe the opposite."
@dorsalstream: It may just be the parasite talking, but I'm going to climb that super tall building over there and release all my spores.
@Marlebean: When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*
@collegefession: "I always keep a textbook with me when I hook up with girls so there's no walk of shame I'm an early morning scholar #3.9GPA" - NSU