@GrandadJFreeman: In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2012: he died of hunger.
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@LoveMeNowDad: A microwave with three only buttons. 1. Hot Pocket 2. Pizza Rolls 3. 4 Hot Pockets and 60 Pizza Rolls
@Elifcello: "Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends." - Cargo Pants
@GensPlace: She was a very heavy smoker with a cough that curdled your blood. Phlegm fatale, they called her.
@BillDixonish: If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa.