@PaperWash: In 2058 the selfies became self aware and choose their own filters.
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@alyssawolff: *sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs* Me: Need help with that? Her: Yeah! Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl.
@0point5twins: QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER BY PEEING ON THINGS: 1. Am I pregnant? 2. Does my boss have a very forgiving nature?
@Sanbel11: -I can't stand liars and fakes -You are so pretty -See? Why can't everyone be honest like you
@jazmasta: "I feel like a failure, doc. I've got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets" "Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I've ever seen!"