@PaperWash: In 2058 the selfies became self aware and choose their own filters.
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@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.
@FrenulumBreve: Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* "we're out of cereal."