@PaperWash: In 2058 the selfies became self aware and choose their own filters.
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@ThisLocalHater: The theme from Jaws plays eerily in the distance, only to reveal me approaching an open bar at a wedding.
@AminaMarx: update: the light went out in my fridge so i had to eat everything so it wouldn't get scared
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [at gym] *spends 45 minutes untangling headphones *drops phone, squats to pick it up Phew! Good workout! *leaves