@OwensDamien: In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I’ve put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.
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@yassinovic89: Women's logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
@pdxjohnny99: This tweet has been brought to you by... ...Stay Free Maxi-pads... ...When your uterine lining looks like the elevator from The Shining.