@ericONEderful: In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: My computer broke IT guy: What have you tried so far? Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing
@VanVeenB: Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested. Put her head right through the drywall. Goddam cheap motels.
@TheAlexP: [Reporting live on scene] Weatherman: how much rain are you seeing? Me: Christ Gary, all of it.
@bellicosejason: If you're behind someone at an ATM, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.