@Rlpihl: in college, i was the third-wheel so many times they called me The Tricycle
@iwearaonesie: cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
me *tries to quietly open a can of beer*
@_Sal_Paradise_: *wears an "Only God Can Judge Me" t-shirt to court*
@s8n: If it's 1 or 1000 sins you're still getting sent to Hell. So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come down here a legend
@coolfunnytshirt: Che Guevara was such a revolutionary. He revolutionized the t-shirt sales.
@Dutch_50: Acquaintances: "So what have you been up to?"
What I hear: "Please explain yourself, we're trying to figure you out."