@BlindChow: In Europe, her milkshake brings all the boys to the meter.
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@david8hughes: [first day as a negotiator] Me: release one hostage Terrorist: no Me: release half of one hostage
@Shock_Monster: Canadians like to brag about getting all four seasons: Winter Almost Winter After Winter Not Winter
@KalvinMacleod: Wife: Are you even listening to me? Me: Of course W: Oh yeah, what did I say? M: [smoke bomb] W: I can still see you M: [Another smoke bomb]
@cowboyjeffkent: Women on twitter tell me my beard is hot Women in real life tell me where I can find food and shelter .