@BlindChow: In Europe, her milkshake brings all the boys to the meter.
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@sploosk: my roofing company has gone bankrupt. I kept saying "this one's on the house" every time I finished a roof, how could i be so stupid
@drinksmcgee: Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet
@paul_lander: Who says Republicans aren't into recycling? Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: We’re playing Star Wars. I’m a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper. Me: What am I? 4-year-old: In the way.