@TommyKarate: In extremely rare cases women have been known to sleep with me.
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@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]
@stevevsninjas: Astrogeologists: do telescope/remote sensing on distant objects. Astrologists: use horoscope/do not remotely make sense/object when dissed.
@iamnotdiddy: The most embarrassing thing about mistaking pilates class for pirates class is concealing my musket.
@KingPatrick24: The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.