@Vodkantots: In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you're never allowed to unbutton your pants.
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@bzamayo: Android Oreo announced today; you’ll be able to update your devices by the time the next solar eclipse comes around.
@SCbchbum: According to rom coms, I haven't met the perfect guy because I've never chased an important paper down the block in a gust of wind.
@BreadFoster: I can't wait until Taylor Swift breaks up with a black guy so she can put out a rap album.
@ddsmidt: When you call home on a holiday and get passed around, it's worse than being included on a group text.