@Vodkantots: In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you're never allowed to unbutton your pants.
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@bombsydoll: WHAT'S WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS DUDE? YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF & MOVE IN CLOSE BUT WHEN I KISS YOU YOURE LIKE WHOA IM JUST DOING YOUR EYE EXAM?
@DumbConfessions: Her:"Let's make a baby." Him: "Okay! Hold on." *goes to bathroom* [5 minutes later.] Her: "Where'd you go?" Him: "You meant with you??"
@_NTFG_: We woke up to a noise. I grabbed a bat. He grabs a can of body spray. "Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?"
@onion_an: [1st day as criminal sketch artist] Victim: He was blonde had blue eyes, he was about 6ft t.... Me: I'm gonna need a longer sheet of paper