@murderbytweets: In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@wilw: Cat: LET ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW! Me: *Staggers out of bed. Opens door* Cat: *lies down on doormat*: You are dismissed.
@nbadag: HER: [whispering seductively] tell me your wildest fantasy ME: [also whispering] owning a home
@Goofpoops: Watching movies with kids: If he/she hasn't seen it, eons and billions of questions. If he/she has seen it, eons and billions of spoilers.