@Sickayduh: In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say "I'm Shia LaBeouf"
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@GuyThe_Guy: My wife puts her pants on just like everyone else, but when she gets one leg in I push her over while she's off balance.
@NikiWithIssues: I sent 117 texts and called you 82 times but you must be busy so I came over to tell you the restraining order expired and I still love you!
@BlindChow: "I have a particular set of spills," Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt. He looks for a napkin but the last one's already been Taken.