@Sickayduh: In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say "I'm Shia LaBeouf"
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@TheRolo: *Stands in wood & sets self on fire* "OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I want to look hot on tinder.
@animadvertguy: LAWYER: where were you Oct 13th? ME: alibi school LAWYER: can u prove this? ME: wait, the 13th? LAWYER: ya ME: k no I was murdering that day
@GrabTheWEness: When I went to bed last night I had 47,000 followers. Now I have 700. Did I spell something wrong?