@DrakeBell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco"
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@GrantTanaka: [band comes out for encore] DO YOU WANNA HEAR ONE MORE crowd: YAAAAAHHHH me: GETTING KINDA LATE GUYS
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom: The liberals in California are rubbing off on you. Me: I know, it keeps getting in my hair. (silence)
@AudreyPorne: an attractive man on the internet called me pretty, so I sent him my finger nails in the mail. i'm so nervous lol what if he doesn't reply??
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Is there candy in that drawer? Me: No. 4: Can I check? Me: Do you have a warrant?