@Lisabug74: In my trunk is a tire iron, a box of human hair, and a bottle of Grey Goose. I'm always prepared for an impromptu crime scene tampering.
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@GrowlyGrego: *walks out of prison, a free man. *guards shouting from gate "From! At! For! With!" What? "Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition"
@Alex_N_Chains: I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag.
@beefman138: "Wow, that's great!" ~ Me, not paying attention, and hoping you didn't just tell me your Grandma died.
@jimmytorosian: [two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist] ...But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy