@Lisabug74: In my trunk is a tire iron, a box of human hair, and a bottle of Grey Goose. I'm always prepared for an impromptu crime scene tampering.
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@NotARatsAss: Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.
@KentWGraham: Things that don’t exist: 1. Fairies 2. Elves 3. Gnomes 4. Trolls 5. Whatever item my wife sends me to the grocery store to get
@Book_Krazy: Hub: Still mad? Me: Jack & Jill went up the hill H: To fetch a pail of water M: Jack fell down & died a violent death Hub: Ok, still mad
@LeonHWolf: How do you explain this gap in your resume? "I was in jail." Okay. Sure you weren't working for Trump's campaign? "Swear to God. Jail."