@heartlessX0: In order to catch a cab, one must think like a cab first.
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@philmann: Crabs can't eat hotdogs because they just keep cutting them into tinier and tinier hotdogs.
@jlock17: So annoying how every time I go to sleep, my wife starts whispering into my ear "Go towards the light."
@EndhooS: Taco guy: guac costs extra Obi Wan: [wafts hand] guac is free Taco Guy: guac is free… Anakin: why'd u even pay for the taco? Obi Wan: dammit
@hippieswordfish: when i found out i won the World's Saddest Man award i became slightly happy and was immediately stripped of my title