@ChaseMit: In the Ben Affleck version, Batman's parents kill themselves.
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@UncleDuke1969: Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito? Me: In Alabama? S: Yeah. M: Of course not. Why do you ask? S: Mom said he was the product of insects.
@DRUNKdadding: You know when your cat looks at your kids like "thanks to you I've been out of food for 3 days and nobody's noticed" .....?
@MAngelo505: What I said : Just a trim, please. What hairdresser must've heard : Give me the Kim Jong-un.
@crabgirl_: The people in this spin class are looking at me like they've never seen a girl with a helmet before.