@JordanFoisy: In the future the only two jobs left are Uber driver and escape room planner.
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@LackOfShame: Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty.
@Vodkantots: Americans keep saying they want to move to Canada. As if Canada were even a real place.
@SilleVio: Joined a street protest. Suddenly a shot, panic and everybody started running. 3 hours and a gold medal later I realised it was a marathon
@mattgallo123: Not to brag, but according to this food packaging I just ate enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people.