@WheelTod: In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car.
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@Thynebear: *walks up to bouncer* "sorry pal, this is a private country club" *peeks inside* [everybody's fist pumping hard as heck to kenny chesney]
@okimstillhungry: Gets 5 hours of sleep: Wow I'm tired Gets 8 hours of sleep: Wow I'm tired and I'm late for work