@WheelTod: In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@upsidedowntrash: [1st Day working at Hotel California] Guest: Id like 2 check out Me: Sure! Youre all set! G: Thanks! [Leaves] Boss: Can I see u in my office
@philEfanaddict: The first thing they teach you in AA is to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
@AlexvanBeek: EVERY SENTIENT & NON-SENTIENT CONGLOMERATION OF MOLECULES ON THIS EARTH HAS A BF. WTF.
@badbanana: Fun game: Order food to be delivered to your mobile home and then lead the delivery driver on a high-speed chase through town.