@RickAaron: In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
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@moose_chocolate: Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident? Is it possible to stab someone non-violently?
@DrDogMD: NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?
@seamussaid: FYI: hey my wife came home in a terrible mood and I figured I'd read her one of my tweets to cheer her up, turns out that's a bad idea guys
@jwoodham: Instead of pulling people over for texting, the police should be out there pulling people over for not texting me back.