@MrsJekyllsHyde: In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?
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@abbycohenwl: Baby Dinosaur: Mama, are we born just to die? Dinosaur: No, baby. One day we'll also become toxic fuels for idiot meat robots
@Jc1Johnny: If a woman wants to date me, she has to meet my strict criteria 1. Hair 2. At least one eye 3. A pulse 4. Not that bothered about 1
@BlondAmbitionTO: I hate when people call and say they're 10 minutes away for a "drop-by surprise visit" and I have to set fire to my house.
@jordan_stratton: SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?