@MrsJekyllsHyde: In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?
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@TrueTorontoGirl: Boss: Have I made myself clear? Me: No, I can still see you. Boss: Shakes head.
@david8hughes: [overhears girl at work crying because her grandad & her dad died this month] Me: not all men are like that
@hipstermermaid: I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad.
@BillFienberg: Dad: What do you want for your birthday? Me: I want a gf thats not crazy. Dad: You should ask for something more realistic. Like a dragon.