@Faceyspace: Initially I thought I would rather catch herpes than feelings. But then I realized herpes are forever.
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@TheTweetOfGod: I care more about the outcome of sporting events than any other aspect of human existence.
@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
@Mr_Kapowski: Travel Agent: Hello sir! Interested in a vacation? Me: *puts cat on the phone* [20 mins later] Travel Agent: I've got you booked for Maui