@DirtMcTurd: Inspired by T.G.I.Fridays, I opened a place called C.L.I.Thursdays. It closed down though because most guys couldnt find it
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@werehedgehog: In 1752, Benjamin Franklin invented electricity because it was no longer considered humane to execute people using an acoustic chair.
@The_MartiniGirl: Find someone to make you laugh everyday and if that doesn't work find alcohol like I did.
@notacroc: Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen
@Yes_ImAmy: Thank god we don't have thought bubbles above our heads. I'd be in trouble 99% of the time.