@ryaninco: Instagram before the foods goes in, Twitter when the food goes out.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iGreenBabe: When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
@GuyEndoreKaiser: Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
@nice_mustard: dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun
@bea_ker: [with father in law] "You know how to pluck a goose, son?" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*