@ryaninco: Instagram before the foods goes in, Twitter when the food goes out.
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@girlontapas: How is it that my kids can never find their own shoes but... Easily find the one ice cream sandwich I hid behind the peas in the freezer.
@TheMichaelRock: Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.