@ryaninco: Instagram before the foods goes in, Twitter when the food goes out.
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@Vice_Queen: Boss: You're late! M: It's 6.30am B: You start at 6am! M: I know but that's just crazy. This is better for me. And now we wait for HR.
@concretesledge_: The tag on this hot tub reads "6 man" when I clearly ordered a 1 man 5 woman hot tub. This one is going back!
@Home_Halfway: Whenever anyone asks me where I grew up I point to a random spot in the room and say "Over there."
@carlyken: The Shawshank Redemption but it's just me tunneling from my office to the break room so I don't have to talk to my boss.