@Discourt: INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.
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@rockymomax: [ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby
@aparnapkin: "Doctor, how bad is it?" "I mean, you're just not a great singer. I don't know why you needed a doctor to confirm for you, but there it is."
@LizHackett: If you're robbing my house, just bring a second guy to eat a pizza in front of my dog while you take whatever you want.