@WriterLifeCo: Instagram now has video! I'm going to film the hell out of this salad!
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@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is 9 crying? me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep
@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes when I'm sitting in a swivel chair, I'll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I'm in the opening credits of a sitcom
@robfee: Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?