@WriterLifeCo: Instagram now has video! I'm going to film the hell out of this salad!
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@Book_Krazy: CW: I think you're two-faced Me: Why don't you say that to my face CW: I just did! Me: No. My other face.
@MichaelTrying: Dear Evolution, It’s a conference call, not a bear attack. How about making me super eloquent instead of the heart rate and adrenaline?
@mommy_cusses: Person: Hi, my name is *my brain plays 3 seconds of air horn* Me: I'm sorry, what was that? Person: I'm *air horn* Me: Again? Person:
@tarashoe: birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot