@TheTweetOfGod: Instagramming daily selfies does not constitute personal growth.
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@KateWhineHall: "...This one is TOO big. This one is JUST right." -my daughter, picking out her preferred public toilet.
@TheMichaelRock: If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
@breadzeppellin: My wife and I had a real Fairytale wedding. A wolf killed her grandma during the ceremony and then we ate stolen porridge from some bears.